Why is it some horrible things never end?

When Carole died, I thought that we had been through the worst.  But in some ways, the bad just changed direction.

As Carole was dying her son Barry made her and Rob's lives hell.  At the funeral he apologised to all.  That lasted until the lunch after, when he bailed up Rob and told him he had heard there was $50,000 and what was being done with Caarole's jewellery.  So  much for the big apology.

And now, months later, he pops up on Facebook, no hi Fi how are you.  Just wat (sic) is going on with Carole's estate and for me to tell Rob to call him.

So I tell him to call Rob himself and not involve me, and he starts in on Rob.  Claiming Carole didn't know what she had told Rob to do because she wasn't in her right mind and that Rob needs to grow balls.  This from the idiot who was too scared to call Rob himself.  And then what would we know - we had only known Carole for three years. And then he claims all he wants is the photos.  If that was the truth, we wouldn't be having an argument. Rob would gladly give him the photos.

I saw red - bad I know.  I told him we had been with Carole thoughout and how much we loved her and how much she had loved us - telling Mum and Dad she wished she was their real daughter and I was her real sister.  That he was the one who had made her life hell the last few weeks and how he had to be told to come and see her just before she died.  And that he needed to behave like an adult and ask Collette for his balls back.

That last bit was gratuitous I know, but he accused Rob of not having balls, and I was there and saw Rob take every step with Carole.  He has balls in spades.

My reading - the wedding is costing more and he wants money for it.  The very last thing Carole would want to contribute to anyway, knowing how much she thought Collette was a gold-digger.  And wait until he finds out from Allan what Rob has given him.  He will go ballistic.

Home again

I am back home again and coming to terms with everything that has happened in the last three weeks.

Carole died on Tuesday 6th April at about 5am.  The phone rang at 5.15 am and as soon as it rang Rob, myself and Allan all knew what it was.  Carole died very peacefully in her sleep, a real kindness after weeks of struggle and wasting away.

One of the amazing things was that over Easter Carolewas able to communicate and on the Sunday she asked Rob to take her for a walk in the wheelchair.  He took her out into the park outside and she was able to enjoy a perfect Autumn day.

Barry was down for the weekend and made his peace with Carole.  He certainly gave Rob and me a wide berth, but at least he won't have the burden of still being on bad terms with her on his conscience.

On Monday, Carole was very weak.  But when I left I said to her I love you, and she said I love you too.  And she said remember me.  I told her she will always be in my heart.  That was our last exchange.

I had said to her that she was surrounded by angels, and taht when she was ready,  just look for the low flying one and catch a ride to heaven.  I hope that she did and was greeted by her father. 

Two days after we found out that despite all the effort we put into getting the Social Work Department to work up a will for her, it wasn't done.

We were under the impression it had been done, and Carole spoke as if it had been done.  It was devastating to find out that it hadn't been done.  And now there will be death taxes to be paid and it will take forever to sort out.

Carole's funeral was on Friday.  Both her sons and her two Australian based brothers and their wives were there.

Before the funeral, Barry apologised to Rob for all the trouble he had caused and the things he had said.  We were all relieved, but it didn't last long.

After the funeral we allw ent to the Gunner's Arms in Launceston for lunch and memories.  Rob told me that Barry had approached him and said he knew there was $50,000 to be shared between him and Allan and then asked what was being done with Carole's jewellery.  So much for his apology.

Rob is seeing a solicitor, but the Public Trustee office told me that with items in Carole's name only - such as her bank account - the rule is that the first $50,000 goes to the husband and anything more is divided between children (two-thirds) and the spouse (one-third).

I have no idea what is going to happen, but it is not going to be pleasant.  And I feel so sorry for Rob.  He has enough to deal with without this additional stress.

Just as well Allan is so different.

After Carole's funeral he got incredibly drunk and when he came in he wanted to talk.  he told me how much he had appreciated what I had done for him and what a top bird I was and how much he loved Mum and Dad and especially Rob.  He is such a sweet guy and feels so lost without his Mum.  More than anything, he wanted to know there were people who still loved him.  I know how much Mum, Dad and Rob (and I) love him.  If I could adopt him I would.

Online again - at last

I am still in Launceston and Carole is hanging in, but the poor darling is so weak and has no strength left.

She has made the decision for no more treatment, although she is so weak now her body wouldn't tolerate any more chemo.

The last week and a half has been tumultuous for us all, including Carole.

Trying to help organise a will for her once we found out the level of death taxes took up a huge amount of time, but was done at last on friday.  It was complicated by Carole's eldest son, who kept ringing her up and complaining that Rob was ripping her off and was only after her money.  He rang several times and never once even asked her how she was.  All he wanted was to make sure he got his inheritance.

Carole was so distressed and in the end told him he would be getting nothing.  Rob has been given a huge list of who is to get what and he will ensure Carole's wishes are carried out. I hope that Rob does end up including Barry.  While I deplore what Barry has done, he is still Carole's son.  I just cannot believe how venal he has been.

I hope that Barry wakes up to himself soon and calls Carole and apologises.  It would be awful if this is not repaired before she dies and I know that one day he will regret his actions terribly.  His fiancee is probably behind it, but he still went ahead and did it.  What an idiot.

Allan, the younger son, has been terrific.  He flew out from London and is staying on.  He goes in to see Carole every day.  he is good fun- and a bit of a play boy.  He had a friend down from Melbourne over the weekend and really hit the sauce.  And blotted his copybook big time too.  I think he has sworn off the alcohol for at least the next day or so.  Just as well he is good fun.

Mum and Dad had to leave today and head back to Port Macquarie.  I know how hard it was for them both.  Going in this morning to say good bye and knowing that they may not see Carole again.  We were all in tears.  Dad is scheduled for what we hope will be his last round of chemo next week, and with Easter this weekend, this was the only flight back they could get.

Heading back to Launceston

Well tomorrow morning I am heading back to Launceston to say good-bye to darling Carole and support my brother through this process.

There was some good news today.  She was able to spend a few hours at home.  I know how much she wanted to be back in her own home again and that this would have been very special for her.  Rob is hoping she can come and  spend several hours tomorrow and Sunday at home too, if she is able.

She is wanting to sleep more and more and is too tired to speak to people now.  I am taking a lovely book down with me that I hope to be able to read to her if she is up to it.  I am taking my sewing too and my lap top and a couple of good books to read.

I have only got a one way ticket as I don't know how long I will be there.  I have leave until Easter and we will reconsider then if necessary.

My neighbours are wonderful.  They are happy to feed the dogs and Luka for me so I don't have to worry about that.  No wonder I love them so much.  We have known each other over thirty years and they are just the best.

It will be wonderful to see Mum and Dad again too.  They are staying with some friends, which I think will be good for them. 

Not so good

I spoke to Carole today and it is obvious her condition is deteriorating.  She is wanting to sleep more and finding it harder to talk to people.  I spoke to Mum and Dad and they said that it is obvious now that she is winding down.

I am heading back down on the weekend and will stay until it is over.  I don't think it is going to be more than a week now.

Carole's birthday

Well yesterday was Carole's birthday and she was thoroughly spoilt and feted from the family and the nurses.  It sounds as if she had a wonderful time, but she was worn out completely by the end of the day. 

I spoke to her in the morning and she was very excited by having everyone there.  I spoke to her today and she was so tired I told her I would hang up so she could go back to sleep.  Poor darling just has no reserves.

I spoke to Rob during the day and he is still hoping she will be able to come and spend time at home, but is now being realistic  and recognising that getting her home full time is likely to not be possible.  I just hope for both their sakes that they can get her home and enjoy some quiet times together.

Carole's quilt

I finished off the quilt I was making for Carole at 11pm the night before I headed down to Launceston, and it was great to be able to finally give it to her.  Some idiot, sadly myself, had decided to use all the scraps to make the bindings.  Great idea and it looks great, but oh boy it sure was extra work.  Still, I do like the effect.

So is the link to some photos with Rob holding it up.  Rob is over 6 foot and the quilt is larger than him.  It is a generous queen size and just fits their King size bed.

And the best thing is that Carole loved it.

http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/album/548442938ujyFzp

Relaxing and destressing

I am having just the weekend I needed - quiet and relaxing.  I am doing some cooking - making a great potato soup.  And also have been doing some hand sewing and sorting out some of my photos from my trip.  I have put together a photo album for Dee celebrating my time in the Pacific North West.  It has been fantastic going back through my photos and remembering the fun we had. 

A great visit

Back home after six days in Launceston, with nothing but good news for a change.

Carole has recovered well from the last set back and every day you can see her looking stronger.  She has lost a LOT of weight, but is smiling and laughing and determined to come home next week after by then more than four weeks in hospital.

Her son, Allan arrived yesterday and after getting over the shock of seeing her so thin is happy to see her feeling so up. her other son arrives on Saturday.  other family members are also coming this weekend to help her celebrate her birthday, which is Monday.  Her brother Ian is also talking of flying over from Scotland.

I can't believe how far she has come in the last week.  She has also started her next round of chemo.  Becauswe of her weakened state they devised a way to split it over several days so that the potential shock to her system is reduced.  This was so good to know, as the doctors had told Rob they were very concerned that she would not be strong enough to tolerate it.  But after a day and a half of infusion she is doing so well.

I am planning on going down again for Easter in three weeks.  I am hoping that once she is home she will continue to get stronger.

Normal service has been resumed

I rang Carole this morning to say hi and have a chat and found that there had been a crisis last night I knew nothing about.

It turned out while they were putting in the port she vomited and aspirated some into her lungs.  She came out of the operation in a terrible condition and Rob was told she was not expected to last the night.  they also told him atht if she had a heart attack they would not revive her.  Rob was in tears when he went in to see her thinking it was the end.

Well she made it through the night and is in much better shape today.  She is on strong antibiotics and receiving physio to help make sure any gunk is out of the lungs.

I was so shocked when I found out.  I just couldn't believe that yet another thing had happened following an operation at this bloody hospital.  I just wish we could get her out of there and take her somewhere decent.

I have spent most of the afternoon crying and trying just not to fall apart completely.  God this is just so awful.

At last some good news

The big news is Dad's tumour is responding well to chemo and has shrunk considerably.  He was due to have another infusion today but his white cell count was too low so they postponed it to next week.

Carole was having a port put in today so she can have another round of chemo to try and shrink her tumour to buy some more time.  I so hope she and Rob can have some good time together.  If they can make their second wedding anniversary in June that would be wonderful.

I had a game of bridge tonight - first time in weeks.  First couple of hands I played like a nutter, but we got our act together after four rounds and picked up.  We got quite a few tops towards the end, so hopefully they will cancel out the early boards.

Planning to say goodbye

I had a talk with Mum tonight.  She went in to see Carole twice today.  The first time she said Carole looked terrible and was in very low spirits.  And the second time Carole was in better spirits.  Mum warned me that Carole's condition has deteriorated considerably since I saw her in January/

It is hard to think it is only a few weeks since I saw her and that she has gone downhill so fast.

I spoke with Carole the other day and she told me she feels God has let her down.  I didn't know what to say and am still struggling, but I think it isn't God that has failed her but poor actions by doctors.  She had been doing so well right up until October when the idiot doctor took her off the chemo and didn't schedule the surgery as they were supposed to.  I feel cheated out of time with her and want so much to have more time with her, but I know we aren't going to get a miracle.

I hope Rob is able to get some help so she can come home, even if for a short time.  Mum said Rob is realising that she may not be able to come home, and it is so sad that he can't take the dogs in to see her, as that would lift her spirits more and help the dogs deal with what is happening.  I checked and found that there isn't a hospice in Launceston, so that option is not open, and Mum said that the hospital cubicle Carole is in is terrible, so if we can find a way to bring her home, she would be happier, and she and Rob would be able to have more time together.

Mum had to ask Rob if Carole has a will.  What a sad thing to have to even think about.

Not good news

I have been putting off writing this because writing it makes it too real.  But yesterday we got the news we knew was coming.  Carole's Oncologist has told her that the tumour in her peritoneum is unlikely to respond to treatment.  Rob was still feeling shocked last night but is coping as well as could be expected.

He wants to organise for her to come home from the hospital, even if for only part of the time.  I think that would be good for them both.

Carole's eldest son Barry knows, but her youngest son, Allan, is gadding about in Europe with some mates and is hard to track down.  I hope Barry is able to find Allan quickly so he can get home and have some time with Carole.

Mum is going down to Launceston on Saturday to help Rob.  But with Dad due for a scan and possibly more chemo next week, he can't go with her, at least until we know what is happening with him.  Mum is stressing out about leaving him.  I offered to go up and stay with Dad, but he got into a high dudgeon and is happy to be on his own and call on friends if needed.

It is so hard being stuck on the sidelines.  I want to do something to help, but it is hard to know what.

I picked up the quilt I have been working on for Carole from the long arm quilter last night and will start on the binding this afternoon.  I plan to drive up to Sydney on Saturday morning to meet up with Mum and give her the quilt to take to Carole with her.  I'll be putting up photos later.

A work in progress

Alright, I can't just sit here.  I joined in a quilters UFO (=unfinished objects) group.  Here is one of the two UFOs I want to get done.

 

There are two main colourways in this one - soft pastels and greens

 

  

This is going to be for Abbey West - her special big girl quilt.

The waiting is the worst

I have rung my parent's three times today to find out if my brother had rung with an update on Carole, but every time they answered they thought my call would be him.  We are all afraid to ring him, but desperate to know what is going on.  And knowing it won't be good.

I just wish we could change things, find some miracle cure - something, anything.

I know I should do something, but I feel paralysed just waiting for the phone to ring.

From Wonderful to the pits

I almost don't know where to begin.

I headed up to Port Macquarie on Friday to spend my brithday weekend with my parents.  It really was wonderful to see them both.

Mind you, Dad's new buzzed pate was a shock for sure.  He looks so different, but you can see his hair growing back.

On Saturday, my birthday, we spent a large part of the day holding our breath waiting to hear how Carole's surgery went.  early afternoon Rob rang to say that the surgery was over and Carole was back in the ward and it was a complete success.  We were totally overjoyed and relieved and headed out to dinner in high spirits.

We went to the Whalebone Wharf restaurant and had a really memorable meal.  I took the photos of the Hastings River as the sun set and enjoyed the local Pelican who we were told turned up every night the restaurant was open - not to beg for scraps, but because the restaurant customers fed the fish and the Pelican benefitted from this.  Dumb animal - I don't think so.

So we headed home feeling replete, happy and slept well.

I was heading home on Sunday afternoon, and in the morning Mum and I headed into town to look at the new Glasshouse Concert Hall which had controversially brought sown the local Council due to its considerable cost over-run.

Just before we headed off to the airport, Mum rang Carole to say hi and hope you are feeling OK.  Carole told Mum that the original news on the operation outcome had been wrong.  It turned out they were not able to do anything.  This was the worst possible news.  Having thought we had got the best possible outcome, to suddenly finding out the absolute opposite.

The oncologist is coming to see her today to discuss options, but my understanding options are few and far between.

It is impossible to find the right word to describe how I feel about the situation.  I feel shattered for Carole, Rob and all our families.  And I feel blisteringly angry with the hospital and the so called medical practitioners at Launceston General Hospital.  This is now the third time Carole has been told good news initially only to have them later tell her that sorry, we were wrong.

And to compound it with having to admit they took her off chemo for too long allowing the cancer to rebound and spread.  To me their behaviour is nothing short of unconscionable.

So today we sit and wait for the bad news to come.

Not the best news today

Carole has been in hospital since the weekend due to dehydration and being unable to eat.  A scan has shown she has a blockage in the bowel.  She is undergoing surgery on Saturday and they are going to try and remove the blockage.

This is major surgery and while we are hoping for the best possible outcome, there is a real possibility that the surgeons won't be able to fix this.

I am heading up to Port Macquarie tomorrow to spend my birthday with Mum and Dad.  I am glad we will be together on Saturday so that however the surgery goes, we will be together.

I feel so sad for Rob and Carole.  They haven't even been married two years and they are facing this.  At least today Rob had his best friend visiting, so was able to get support.  Mind you, being a boofy boy he denies he needs support.

One of quliting works in progress is a quilt for Rob.  He is into American Civil War history and I am using Civil War reproduction fabrics.

I have it all neatly tucked away in a box, so have to pull it out and get into it too.  For someone who hasn't been quilting all that long, I sure have a few UFOs already.  I'll be putting some photos up in the next few days of those, plus my trip up to Port.  It will be so lovely to see Mum and Dad.

 

While the finishing off is by machine, all the cobblestones are hand made.  I had previously only made quilts by machine, but I really enjoyed the hand sewing, and the quilt for Dad will be largely handmade also, with the machine used to bring it together and quilt it.

The easy thing about cobblestones was that I was able to buy precut squares and strips. which made it ideal to carry with me when travelling.

Blogging onwards and upwards

The last twelve months has been nothing short of tumultuous.

Not only have I spent three glorious months in the USA, but either side of my trip my sister in law was diagnosed with Bowel cancer and then Dad was diagnosed with cancer.

Learning to deal with their illness has been a huge challenge for all the family. For me, I went to the USA with plans to work on a quilt for Carole.

Of course this gave me a wonderful excuse to visit lots of quilt shops, and I surely did. But I also worked on cobblestones for Caroles quilt on and off, and by the time I got home in October 2009, I had almost enough for a full queen sized bed quilt.

I finished off the few extra cobblestones needed before I headed back to work and then experimented with how to lay it all out. Of course, then I had to make decisions about borders. I wanted to make her quilt that was full of positive vibes and would help her to chase away the blues, so I opted for some bright colours. perhaps a little too bright?

I had bought a new sewing machine - Husqvarna Sapphire 850 - before I headed overseas, so I thought I might be able to quilt it up myself.

HA!

Way too ambitious, so I have ended up taking it to a professional for quilting. Leaving me time to come to grips with this new beast.

I hope to have it all completed in time for Carole's birthday in March.

And the next project is a quilt for my Dad. Dad was diagnosed with cancer in late October. The specialists are still arguing over whether he has an osteosarcoma on the third rib (exceedingly rare) or mesothelioma (also rare). The specialist at RPA is opting for the osteosarcoma, and I hope he is right, for fairly obvious reasons.

I asked dad about his favourite colours and was pleased to hear blues and greens and please put in some black and silver for NZ. And I found an amazing Star quilt pattern in British Patchwork and Quilting which I am modifying substantially from a Christmas theme to a blue/green/kiwi theme. I'll be putting up photos of the work as I go and am happy for comments and suggestions.