Planning to say goodbye

I had a talk with Mum tonight.  She went in to see Carole twice today.  The first time she said Carole looked terrible and was in very low spirits.  And the second time Carole was in better spirits.  Mum warned me that Carole's condition has deteriorated considerably since I saw her in January/

It is hard to think it is only a few weeks since I saw her and that she has gone downhill so fast.

I spoke with Carole the other day and she told me she feels God has let her down.  I didn't know what to say and am still struggling, but I think it isn't God that has failed her but poor actions by doctors.  She had been doing so well right up until October when the idiot doctor took her off the chemo and didn't schedule the surgery as they were supposed to.  I feel cheated out of time with her and want so much to have more time with her, but I know we aren't going to get a miracle.

I hope Rob is able to get some help so she can come home, even if for a short time.  Mum said Rob is realising that she may not be able to come home, and it is so sad that he can't take the dogs in to see her, as that would lift her spirits more and help the dogs deal with what is happening.  I checked and found that there isn't a hospice in Launceston, so that option is not open, and Mum said that the hospital cubicle Carole is in is terrible, so if we can find a way to bring her home, she would be happier, and she and Rob would be able to have more time together.

Mum had to ask Rob if Carole has a will.  What a sad thing to have to even think about.

Not good news

I have been putting off writing this because writing it makes it too real.  But yesterday we got the news we knew was coming.  Carole's Oncologist has told her that the tumour in her peritoneum is unlikely to respond to treatment.  Rob was still feeling shocked last night but is coping as well as could be expected.

He wants to organise for her to come home from the hospital, even if for only part of the time.  I think that would be good for them both.

Carole's eldest son Barry knows, but her youngest son, Allan, is gadding about in Europe with some mates and is hard to track down.  I hope Barry is able to find Allan quickly so he can get home and have some time with Carole.

Mum is going down to Launceston on Saturday to help Rob.  But with Dad due for a scan and possibly more chemo next week, he can't go with her, at least until we know what is happening with him.  Mum is stressing out about leaving him.  I offered to go up and stay with Dad, but he got into a high dudgeon and is happy to be on his own and call on friends if needed.

It is so hard being stuck on the sidelines.  I want to do something to help, but it is hard to know what.

I picked up the quilt I have been working on for Carole from the long arm quilter last night and will start on the binding this afternoon.  I plan to drive up to Sydney on Saturday morning to meet up with Mum and give her the quilt to take to Carole with her.  I'll be putting up photos later.

A work in progress

Alright, I can't just sit here.  I joined in a quilters UFO (=unfinished objects) group.  Here is one of the two UFOs I want to get done.

 

There are two main colourways in this one - soft pastels and greens

 

  

This is going to be for Abbey West - her special big girl quilt.

The waiting is the worst

I have rung my parent's three times today to find out if my brother had rung with an update on Carole, but every time they answered they thought my call would be him.  We are all afraid to ring him, but desperate to know what is going on.  And knowing it won't be good.

I just wish we could change things, find some miracle cure - something, anything.

I know I should do something, but I feel paralysed just waiting for the phone to ring.

From Wonderful to the pits

I almost don't know where to begin.

I headed up to Port Macquarie on Friday to spend my brithday weekend with my parents.  It really was wonderful to see them both.

Mind you, Dad's new buzzed pate was a shock for sure.  He looks so different, but you can see his hair growing back.

On Saturday, my birthday, we spent a large part of the day holding our breath waiting to hear how Carole's surgery went.  early afternoon Rob rang to say that the surgery was over and Carole was back in the ward and it was a complete success.  We were totally overjoyed and relieved and headed out to dinner in high spirits.

We went to the Whalebone Wharf restaurant and had a really memorable meal.  I took the photos of the Hastings River as the sun set and enjoyed the local Pelican who we were told turned up every night the restaurant was open - not to beg for scraps, but because the restaurant customers fed the fish and the Pelican benefitted from this.  Dumb animal - I don't think so.

So we headed home feeling replete, happy and slept well.

I was heading home on Sunday afternoon, and in the morning Mum and I headed into town to look at the new Glasshouse Concert Hall which had controversially brought sown the local Council due to its considerable cost over-run.

Just before we headed off to the airport, Mum rang Carole to say hi and hope you are feeling OK.  Carole told Mum that the original news on the operation outcome had been wrong.  It turned out they were not able to do anything.  This was the worst possible news.  Having thought we had got the best possible outcome, to suddenly finding out the absolute opposite.

The oncologist is coming to see her today to discuss options, but my understanding options are few and far between.

It is impossible to find the right word to describe how I feel about the situation.  I feel shattered for Carole, Rob and all our families.  And I feel blisteringly angry with the hospital and the so called medical practitioners at Launceston General Hospital.  This is now the third time Carole has been told good news initially only to have them later tell her that sorry, we were wrong.

And to compound it with having to admit they took her off chemo for too long allowing the cancer to rebound and spread.  To me their behaviour is nothing short of unconscionable.

So today we sit and wait for the bad news to come.

Not the best news today

Carole has been in hospital since the weekend due to dehydration and being unable to eat.  A scan has shown she has a blockage in the bowel.  She is undergoing surgery on Saturday and they are going to try and remove the blockage.

This is major surgery and while we are hoping for the best possible outcome, there is a real possibility that the surgeons won't be able to fix this.

I am heading up to Port Macquarie tomorrow to spend my birthday with Mum and Dad.  I am glad we will be together on Saturday so that however the surgery goes, we will be together.

I feel so sad for Rob and Carole.  They haven't even been married two years and they are facing this.  At least today Rob had his best friend visiting, so was able to get support.  Mind you, being a boofy boy he denies he needs support.

One of quliting works in progress is a quilt for Rob.  He is into American Civil War history and I am using Civil War reproduction fabrics.

I have it all neatly tucked away in a box, so have to pull it out and get into it too.  For someone who hasn't been quilting all that long, I sure have a few UFOs already.  I'll be putting some photos up in the next few days of those, plus my trip up to Port.  It will be so lovely to see Mum and Dad.

 

While the finishing off is by machine, all the cobblestones are hand made.  I had previously only made quilts by machine, but I really enjoyed the hand sewing, and the quilt for Dad will be largely handmade also, with the machine used to bring it together and quilt it.

The easy thing about cobblestones was that I was able to buy precut squares and strips. which made it ideal to carry with me when travelling.

Blogging onwards and upwards

The last twelve months has been nothing short of tumultuous.

Not only have I spent three glorious months in the USA, but either side of my trip my sister in law was diagnosed with Bowel cancer and then Dad was diagnosed with cancer.

Learning to deal with their illness has been a huge challenge for all the family. For me, I went to the USA with plans to work on a quilt for Carole.

Of course this gave me a wonderful excuse to visit lots of quilt shops, and I surely did. But I also worked on cobblestones for Caroles quilt on and off, and by the time I got home in October 2009, I had almost enough for a full queen sized bed quilt.

I finished off the few extra cobblestones needed before I headed back to work and then experimented with how to lay it all out. Of course, then I had to make decisions about borders. I wanted to make her quilt that was full of positive vibes and would help her to chase away the blues, so I opted for some bright colours. perhaps a little too bright?

I had bought a new sewing machine - Husqvarna Sapphire 850 - before I headed overseas, so I thought I might be able to quilt it up myself.

HA!

Way too ambitious, so I have ended up taking it to a professional for quilting. Leaving me time to come to grips with this new beast.

I hope to have it all completed in time for Carole's birthday in March.

And the next project is a quilt for my Dad. Dad was diagnosed with cancer in late October. The specialists are still arguing over whether he has an osteosarcoma on the third rib (exceedingly rare) or mesothelioma (also rare). The specialist at RPA is opting for the osteosarcoma, and I hope he is right, for fairly obvious reasons.

I asked dad about his favourite colours and was pleased to hear blues and greens and please put in some black and silver for NZ. And I found an amazing Star quilt pattern in British Patchwork and Quilting which I am modifying substantially from a Christmas theme to a blue/green/kiwi theme. I'll be putting up photos of the work as I go and am happy for comments and suggestions.