Why is it some horrible things never end?

When Carole died, I thought that we had been through the worst.  But in some ways, the bad just changed direction.

As Carole was dying her son Barry made her and Rob's lives hell.  At the funeral he apologised to all.  That lasted until the lunch after, when he bailed up Rob and told him he had heard there was $50,000 and what was being done with Caarole's jewellery.  So  much for the big apology.

And now, months later, he pops up on Facebook, no hi Fi how are you.  Just wat (sic) is going on with Carole's estate and for me to tell Rob to call him.

So I tell him to call Rob himself and not involve me, and he starts in on Rob.  Claiming Carole didn't know what she had told Rob to do because she wasn't in her right mind and that Rob needs to grow balls.  This from the idiot who was too scared to call Rob himself.  And then what would we know - we had only known Carole for three years. And then he claims all he wants is the photos.  If that was the truth, we wouldn't be having an argument. Rob would gladly give him the photos.

I saw red - bad I know.  I told him we had been with Carole thoughout and how much we loved her and how much she had loved us - telling Mum and Dad she wished she was their real daughter and I was her real sister.  That he was the one who had made her life hell the last few weeks and how he had to be told to come and see her just before she died.  And that he needed to behave like an adult and ask Collette for his balls back.

That last bit was gratuitous I know, but he accused Rob of not having balls, and I was there and saw Rob take every step with Carole.  He has balls in spades.

My reading - the wedding is costing more and he wants money for it.  The very last thing Carole would want to contribute to anyway, knowing how much she thought Collette was a gold-digger.  And wait until he finds out from Allan what Rob has given him.  He will go ballistic.

Home again

I am back home again and coming to terms with everything that has happened in the last three weeks.

Carole died on Tuesday 6th April at about 5am.  The phone rang at 5.15 am and as soon as it rang Rob, myself and Allan all knew what it was.  Carole died very peacefully in her sleep, a real kindness after weeks of struggle and wasting away.

One of the amazing things was that over Easter Carolewas able to communicate and on the Sunday she asked Rob to take her for a walk in the wheelchair.  He took her out into the park outside and she was able to enjoy a perfect Autumn day.

Barry was down for the weekend and made his peace with Carole.  He certainly gave Rob and me a wide berth, but at least he won't have the burden of still being on bad terms with her on his conscience.

On Monday, Carole was very weak.  But when I left I said to her I love you, and she said I love you too.  And she said remember me.  I told her she will always be in my heart.  That was our last exchange.

I had said to her that she was surrounded by angels, and taht when she was ready,  just look for the low flying one and catch a ride to heaven.  I hope that she did and was greeted by her father. 

Two days after we found out that despite all the effort we put into getting the Social Work Department to work up a will for her, it wasn't done.

We were under the impression it had been done, and Carole spoke as if it had been done.  It was devastating to find out that it hadn't been done.  And now there will be death taxes to be paid and it will take forever to sort out.

Carole's funeral was on Friday.  Both her sons and her two Australian based brothers and their wives were there.

Before the funeral, Barry apologised to Rob for all the trouble he had caused and the things he had said.  We were all relieved, but it didn't last long.

After the funeral we allw ent to the Gunner's Arms in Launceston for lunch and memories.  Rob told me that Barry had approached him and said he knew there was $50,000 to be shared between him and Allan and then asked what was being done with Carole's jewellery.  So much for his apology.

Rob is seeing a solicitor, but the Public Trustee office told me that with items in Carole's name only - such as her bank account - the rule is that the first $50,000 goes to the husband and anything more is divided between children (two-thirds) and the spouse (one-third).

I have no idea what is going to happen, but it is not going to be pleasant.  And I feel so sorry for Rob.  He has enough to deal with without this additional stress.

Just as well Allan is so different.

After Carole's funeral he got incredibly drunk and when he came in he wanted to talk.  he told me how much he had appreciated what I had done for him and what a top bird I was and how much he loved Mum and Dad and especially Rob.  He is such a sweet guy and feels so lost without his Mum.  More than anything, he wanted to know there were people who still loved him.  I know how much Mum, Dad and Rob (and I) love him.  If I could adopt him I would.

Online again - at last

I am still in Launceston and Carole is hanging in, but the poor darling is so weak and has no strength left.

She has made the decision for no more treatment, although she is so weak now her body wouldn't tolerate any more chemo.

The last week and a half has been tumultuous for us all, including Carole.

Trying to help organise a will for her once we found out the level of death taxes took up a huge amount of time, but was done at last on friday.  It was complicated by Carole's eldest son, who kept ringing her up and complaining that Rob was ripping her off and was only after her money.  He rang several times and never once even asked her how she was.  All he wanted was to make sure he got his inheritance.

Carole was so distressed and in the end told him he would be getting nothing.  Rob has been given a huge list of who is to get what and he will ensure Carole's wishes are carried out. I hope that Rob does end up including Barry.  While I deplore what Barry has done, he is still Carole's son.  I just cannot believe how venal he has been.

I hope that Barry wakes up to himself soon and calls Carole and apologises.  It would be awful if this is not repaired before she dies and I know that one day he will regret his actions terribly.  His fiancee is probably behind it, but he still went ahead and did it.  What an idiot.

Allan, the younger son, has been terrific.  He flew out from London and is staying on.  He goes in to see Carole every day.  he is good fun- and a bit of a play boy.  He had a friend down from Melbourne over the weekend and really hit the sauce.  And blotted his copybook big time too.  I think he has sworn off the alcohol for at least the next day or so.  Just as well he is good fun.

Mum and Dad had to leave today and head back to Port Macquarie.  I know how hard it was for them both.  Going in this morning to say good bye and knowing that they may not see Carole again.  We were all in tears.  Dad is scheduled for what we hope will be his last round of chemo next week, and with Easter this weekend, this was the only flight back they could get.

Heading back to Launceston

Well tomorrow morning I am heading back to Launceston to say good-bye to darling Carole and support my brother through this process.

There was some good news today.  She was able to spend a few hours at home.  I know how much she wanted to be back in her own home again and that this would have been very special for her.  Rob is hoping she can come and  spend several hours tomorrow and Sunday at home too, if she is able.

She is wanting to sleep more and more and is too tired to speak to people now.  I am taking a lovely book down with me that I hope to be able to read to her if she is up to it.  I am taking my sewing too and my lap top and a couple of good books to read.

I have only got a one way ticket as I don't know how long I will be there.  I have leave until Easter and we will reconsider then if necessary.

My neighbours are wonderful.  They are happy to feed the dogs and Luka for me so I don't have to worry about that.  No wonder I love them so much.  We have known each other over thirty years and they are just the best.

It will be wonderful to see Mum and Dad again too.  They are staying with some friends, which I think will be good for them. 

Not so good

I spoke to Carole today and it is obvious her condition is deteriorating.  She is wanting to sleep more and finding it harder to talk to people.  I spoke to Mum and Dad and they said that it is obvious now that she is winding down.

I am heading back down on the weekend and will stay until it is over.  I don't think it is going to be more than a week now.

Carole's birthday

Well yesterday was Carole's birthday and she was thoroughly spoilt and feted from the family and the nurses.  It sounds as if she had a wonderful time, but she was worn out completely by the end of the day. 

I spoke to her in the morning and she was very excited by having everyone there.  I spoke to her today and she was so tired I told her I would hang up so she could go back to sleep.  Poor darling just has no reserves.

I spoke to Rob during the day and he is still hoping she will be able to come and spend time at home, but is now being realistic  and recognising that getting her home full time is likely to not be possible.  I just hope for both their sakes that they can get her home and enjoy some quiet times together.

Carole's quilt

I finished off the quilt I was making for Carole at 11pm the night before I headed down to Launceston, and it was great to be able to finally give it to her.  Some idiot, sadly myself, had decided to use all the scraps to make the bindings.  Great idea and it looks great, but oh boy it sure was extra work.  Still, I do like the effect.

So is the link to some photos with Rob holding it up.  Rob is over 6 foot and the quilt is larger than him.  It is a generous queen size and just fits their King size bed.

And the best thing is that Carole loved it.

http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/album/548442938ujyFzp